Dimensional Mishaps
by Jupizu
Summary: Moira creates a time machine out of a toaster and pulls Lone Wanderer  once again  into her experiments. The toaster works but not the way she intended. M for future cussing and violence, possible fourth wall humor, and special guest star appearances.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Time toaster?

It was a fairly peaceful day in Megaton when James, aka Lone Wanderer, decided to pay a visit Moira Brown at Craterside Supply. When he entered, the shops owner wasn't behind the counter, only her hired mercenary was there. "You might wanna turn back while you still can." said the mercenary to him. This was surprising to James because he never really said anything only other than 'I'm keeping an eye on you.' routine. If he was warning him, then Moira was up to no good. "Uuu! Is he here?" said Moira while appearing from a room around the corner. "Perfect timing! You once again get to be my super research assistant in my latest project. I'll be right back" Moira then went into the room and came back carrying a toaster that had a few light bulbs and series of dials on the side.

"Moira, what is that?" asked James.

"It's a Time Toaster!" said Moira in, excited manner.

"A Time Toaster?"

"A Time Toaster. Like a time machine but it's made out of a toaster."

James rubbed his forehead and asked. "Where did you get this idea exactly."

Moira began to explain. "Well, a week ago a man wearing a blue suit and carrying a briefcase came to my shop and he offered me this weird orange crystal. He was kinda odd. Had a low, raspy voice, made strange pauses, and his pitch also kept changing awkwardly. Most weird thing about him was that he almost constantly stretched certain letters, especially the letter S, like an snake."

"And please, tell me you didn't take that crystal of his." said James worryingly.

Moira replied. "No, listen you big silly. That man explained that he heard about me and the crystal showed me has the potential to travel through time. He couldn't do t, but he hoped I could. He gave me his notes and told me that I basically need something that can give a lot of power to the crystal to create a time portal. I've been working on it ever since."

James pointed at the toaster. "You're telling me that crystal you mentioned is inside that toaster right now?" Moira nodded in response. "And that thing is supposed to go through time?" Moira nodded again. "IF, by some miracle, that thing works, how do you plan to use it?" Moira stared at James and said with enthusiasm. "To stop the Great War. To prevent the bombs from dropping down on us, to warn people about the future if they keep going on the current path. To make a better world. With your help, it's completely possible." James was silent for a moment because the way Moira was into her project was the same way how she was working on Wasteland Survival Guide. He decided to humor her and agreed to help her. "Great. Now just to make your skepticism go away, I'll demonstrate that my toaster works." she picked up a coffee mug and placed it right next to the Time Toaster, turned few of the dials, and said. "Now when this starts, that mug will travel 5 minutes into the future and appear back on that counter." Moira pushed the toasters lever down and moved back. The toaster hummed for a few second, then it sparks began to slowly surround it. "Is that normal?" asked James. "Oh, it's perfectly normal." said Moira. The sparks covered the mug and a bright flash suddenly appeared and the mug was nowhere in sight.

5 minutes later, another flash appeared and the mug was right back where it was. James was impressed. "Looks like you're on to something Moira." Moira then grabbed his arm and pulled him next to the toaster. "And now for my next demonstration, we'll perform same thing on us." James immediately put his hand front of Moira's face. "Now hold on, you're planning to use it on us? Is it even safe for organics?" Moira assured him. "Don't worry, I've tested this on mutfruits and molerats and those worked out fine. The only real problem is that it takes an hour for it to cool down."

After an hour has passed, Moira asked James. "Are you ready? Super research assistant?" James looked at the mercenary and he merely showed pity for him. "Let's get this over with." said James. Moira pushed the lever and as the toaster hummed, Moira said. "Same as before, we go 5 minutes into the future and we'll be back right where we were." the sparks slowly covered James and Moira, getting a static feeling on their skin.

"Moira? You sure this is safe?"

"To be perfectly honest? I have no idea."

"You can't be seriou-AAAAHHHHH!"

Both began to scream as the sparks violently circled around them. A bright flash appeared and they were gone. The mercenary was hiding behind a wall and decided to carefully to take a closer look. There was burned spot where Moira and James was standing and he noticed that the toaster was gone as well. He waited 5 minutes and said. "They're not coming back, are they?"

Meanwhile in the Normandy.

Grunt was in his room, making his kill list, until he heard a small boom in the hangar. He grunted and made his to the hall. Zaeed was also at the hall and spoke to Grunt. "Did you also hear that noise?" Grunt nodded and both decided to look through the window only to see two humans in there. Kenneth, Tali, and Gabriella came out the engineering with Tali saying. "What was that noise?" Zaeed turned around and said. "We don't know, but we do know that we have uninvited guests." the engineers looked at the window and the two people at the hangar. Zaeed then told them to get Shepard while he and Grunt would go take care of them.

Meanwhile at the hangar, James and Moira wondering where they are. "I have a feeling we didn't exactly go through time here, Moira." said James. "But hey, we're still alive!" said Moira with optimism. "I wouldn't count on that lass." said Zaeed while holding his assault rifle and Grunt pointing his shotgun. James and Moira lifted their hands in the air and Moira then said to them. "We come in peace?" Zaeed laughed. "Ain't you a cute one." suddenly a small electric burst appeared above, revealing the toaster, dropped on Zaeed's head, knocking him, and landed at Moira's feet.

"Hey, there it is." said Moira while kneeling down to reach it. Grunt pointed his shotgun at her and James instinctively rushed towards him, pushing his shotgun in the air. "Run Moira!" shouted James and Moira picked up the toaster and ran to hide somewhere. James managed to pull off Grunt's shotgun from his hands but he then shouted. "I am KROGAN!" and ram James against on the generators, causing him to drop the weapon. Grunt put James in firm hold and said. "You put up a good fight human." James replied. "I'm hard to kill." James then added. "No offense, but what are exactly? You look like an overgrown iguana." Grunt was baffled. "What? You're telling me that you never heard of krogans? A mighty race of warriors that are dying out?" James replied. "Nope."

"Very well white haired man, my turn. Who are you?" asked Grunt. "Name's James. Some folks like to call me Messiah because of the good deeds I've done for them. Now let me go, or else."

"Or else what?" said Grunt who wasn't impressed by James' words, but he began to notice the killing intent in his eyes.

Patrice Shepard, Garrus Vakarian, Miranda Lawson and Jack arrived at the hangar, and just as Shepard was about to call for Grunt, he flew across the hangar. "Well, hello." said Jack in surprise. "It's not everyday you see a flying krogan." joked Garrus. Shepard pulled out her shotgun and said. "Get ready people. I have a feeling that we're not dealing with regular thugs here." the rest armed themselves and moved towards Grunt. Garrus examined him and said. "Grunt looks to okay, but seems like he just received a nasty blow and that can't be good."

Shepard heard something behind her and turned around. There she saw James standing, flicking his sunglasses open and putting them on. "Sorry for hurting your teammate. Pure self defense." Shepard took a good look on him and the first thing she notice was his white hair and a white military uniform that was white as well, and it looked fairly old fashioned. "Yeah, helluva self defense if I ever saw one." said Jack sarcastically at him. "We've been told that there were two people in the hangar. Where's the other one?" said Lawson in her usual demanding attitude. "I told her to run since she's not the fighting type, so she's most likely hiding somewhere." he replied.

Then Kasumi appeared while holding Moira with her. "Hey Shep! Look what I found." Moira had a nervous smile on her face. "Heh heh, Sorry, I got caught." James sighed. "And apparently not good at hiding either." Zaeed came behind the generator while holding his head. "Bloody hell, that hurt." James pointed his thumb to Zaeed's direction. "His case is purely an accidental, I swear."

Zaeed and Grunt were put into medical bay while James and Moira were interrogated at the communications room. There they explained Moira's toaster and her attempt at traveling through time. Shepard, Miranda, Jacob, Mordin and Tali were taking part with the interrogation. "So you people tried to go through time by using this device?" asked Miranda. Mordin was observing the toaster, being very fascinated by it. "Why yes." said Moira. "So? What year were in?" Jacob answered. "2186 ma'am." James said. "Not only we went 100 years backwards, we also ended up in a whole different world."

Shepard asked him. "Then what year is it in your world?"

"2279. I'm pretty sure that this isn't our world because we haven't achieve this level of space flight."

"I wonder what caused the machine to put us in another world instead of going through time?" said Moira, wondering the toasters function.

"You also mentioned a different world. How is this different?" asked Miranda. James sighed and said. "Here's the short version. In our world, 200 years ago, a lot of countries got mad because of the rapid decline of resources and nobody would share. So they thought it was a good idea to drop nuclear bombs at each other, hoping they would survive in the process." Mordin stopped observing the toaster and said. "Nuclear war?" James nodded. "We call it The Great War. Funny thing is that it lasted only two hours, but it blew everything to oblivion. To this day, humans still continue to survive in a world we now call the Wasteland." the room was silent until Shepard began to speak. "With those circumstances I can understand the attempt." she then spoke to Moira. "If you don't mind, Doctor Mordin will take a look at you device here. He could figure out what might have happened, he might even possibly make a few upgrades to it." Moira agreed enthusiastically, having a chance to work with technology and aliens.

"If I were to offer a suggestion commander?." said Miranda. "I would suggest that we should let them use our showers first. Judging from the smell they hadn't had one for a long time." Jacob agreed. "I agree with Miranda, commander. They almost smell worse than the corpses at Omega during the plague. No offense." short time later, James was at the Armory while Moira was at the crew quarters, preparing herself for the shower. She was accompanied by Kelly Chambers who volunteered to assist the two. Moira came from the crew quarters with a towel around her body.

Kelly spoked to Moira. "I see you're ready. The women's showers are to your right. It has all the shampoo and hair care products you need. I'll also bring you spare clothing to the crew quarters while your jumpsuit is cleaned as well. So, do need any help?" Moira shooked her head. "No need silly, I'm sure they're the same what we got as well, but thanks for the offer Kelly." Moira then made her way to the women's showers and when was done bringing the spare clothes, she then went to the Armory meet up with James. At the Armory, James was going through all the weapons that was displayed on the tables. "We don't have these sort of weapons in our world." said James while examining M-5 Phalanx. "Then what do you use?" asked Jacob.

"We got conventional weapons like pistols and SMG's. We also have energy weapons like plasma, laser and tesla."

"Plasma and lasers?" said Jacob in disbelieve. "Humanity's tech has advanced a lot, but we haven't got even close to make plasma or laser based weaponry."

"Really? Next thing you're telling me that you don't possess hologram technology, androids, or medicine that flushes radiation out from your system and makes you more resistant to it."

"No, but we do use technology that can alter one mass and able to travel at speed of light. Our weapons use what we call mass accelerator that greatly increases bullets overall deadliness."

James and Jacob were getting along as they explained each other how their tech worked. When they finished, James asked Jacob. "Hey, do you have a place where I can place my stuff?"

"You can put them over there." said Jacob, pointing an empty table.

James went to the empty table and placed there his items. Mirelurk meat, 10 Nuka-Cola's, 20 Quantum's, Softshell mirelurk meat, 12 punga fruits, Med-X, Rad-X, RadAway, stimpaks, 44. Magnum, Lincoln's Repeater, Terrible Shotgun, 10mm Ultra SMG, Nuka grenades, Plasma grenades, Metal Blaster, Xualong assault rifle, mines, plasma mines, MPLX Novasurge, Man Opener, Deathclaw gauntlet, Double-barrel shotgun, Railway rifle, Reservist's rifle, Fatman, Tesla cannon, and Jingwei's Shocksword.

Jacob's jaw dropped from the amount of weapons he carried, especially the Fatman and the Tesla cannon. Shepard came to the Armory. "Hey Jacob, I came to see how you two are doing. What the?" Shepard's jaw also dropped but with different reasons. "Is that 44. Magnum what I'm seeing?" James replied. "Yes, yes it is." Shepard went to the table and grabbed the 44. and started to examine it. "I haven't seen these ever since my colony got attack by slavers. My father liked to collect guns from 20th century" said Shepard

"I'm sorry to hear that." said James.

"Don't worry." said Shepard. "I've learned to deal with it."

Kelly appeared in the Armory, calling for James. "Well, looks like it's my turn. Feel free to go through my weapons, just one rule though."

Jacob asked. "What is that?"

"Don't touch the Fatman, or the Tesla cannon. If you do, boom. Goodbye ship."

Jacob let off a nervous 'right' and James followed Kelly. Shepard took the Terrible Shotgun and said. "I'm going to try this baby at the range."

Author's notes: Got his idea when I was working on my other works, so leave a review and tell me your opinion.


	2. Fresh Start

_Author's notes: Sorry if you people had to wait. A thing called Life has a habit of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and happy reading._

Chapter 2: Fresh start

Within the crew quarters, James prepared himself for something that one normally can't get in the Wasteland. A fresh shower. Kelly was outside waiting for him and when she noticed the door opening, revealing James. "Oh my." said Kelly as she saw James' well built body and the scars that covered it. Kelly's eyes were going back and forth, admiring his muscles. James called her. "You okay there, Kelly?" Kelly snapped back to her senses. "Y-yes, I'm perfectly fine! I-I was just looking at your mu-I mean scars. Some of those look very nasty, especially that X-like scar on your chest."

James moved his fingers across the scar Kelly mentioned and she followed them as an excuse to continue looking at his muscles. "This scar was made by none other than the Deathclaw."

"Deathclaw?"

"Imagine a giant two legged lizard that's two times bigger than your krogan friend, has horns in it's head and muscular arms with claws that tears apart any kind of armor to hell. This scar is from my first encounter of those things. Reminds me not underestimate anything I face."

"Wow." said Kelly. "Oh yeah, almost forgot. Men's shower is to your left and it has everything you need to clean yourself up. Like with Miss Moira Brown, I'll be bringing you some clothing for you to wear while yours are being washed." Kelly made a quick glance and said. "Although I'm not sure we'll be able to anything that would fit you." to James, it sounded like there was a slight a flirt in her voice but he decided to ignore it. "I'm sure you'll find some. Now if you'll excuse me Kelly, I have a long awaited shower to have." Kelly showed him the men's bathroom and she asked him. "Aren't you going to take off that device on your wrist?" James raised his arm and said. "You mean my Pip-Boy? Don't worry, this thing is water, acid, bullet, explosive, fire and radiation proof. Plus this thing has a biometric seal that makes it a little hard to remove. But it has been very useful to my me so I never got around to get it off. Although it does come in the way when I put a on shirt or a jacket."

James opened the door and he immediately took off his towel, revealing his rear to Kelly, and went inside. When the doors closed, Kelly smirked and said. "And I thought Jacob and Miranda had a good bumper."

As Moira and James began to clean themselves, they went in to a trance-like state as fresh, clean water poured over them. Dust and grime washed away and the water was dark from all the dirt they have gathered as result. They proceeded to use the shampoo that placed there and began thoroughly clean themselves. Moira finished first, wrapped a towel around her and went out. She bumped into Zaeed and Moira got spooked. "Don't worry lass." he said casually. "I might look mean but I'm not one to go mad because of a misunderstanding."

"Really?" said Moira nervously.

"Although I'll admit, it was my first time when I got knocked out by a toaster." joked Zaeed. "But you might want to tell your friend to watch out for Grunt. I wouldn't be surprised if he takes it personal that he got his ass kicked by a human." he continued. "Then again your friend must be pretty strong since I heard he made him fly across the hangar. Not an easy feat to do to a krogan." Kelly came out the elevator, carrying spare clothing with her, and saw Moira and Zaeed. "Good to see you're okay, Zaeed." said Kelly. She then spoke to Moira. "I brought spare clothing for you and James to wear."

"Yay! Thanks Kelly!" said Moira and went to the crew quarters to put them on. At the same time, James came out the shower and Zaeed greeted him. "Just the man I was looking for." James looked at him with puzzled expression on his face and Zaeed said to him. "I heard how you send Grunt flying. I figured I should tell you that he's very likely going to be very angry that you kicked his ass and he'll probably try to kill you."

"Good to know." said James as if it wasn't the first time it happened to him and spoke to Kelly. "Are those the spare clothing you mentioned?" Kelly replied. "Yes, but you might want to wait a bit because Moira is currently putting hers on." James pointed the Life Support Control Room. "What about that one?" Kelly said to him. "One of our crew members, Thane, live's there. But I'm pretty sure he'll let you put the clothing on in there. I'll go and ask him, wait here." Kelly went to the room and Zaeed said to James. "You got some nice set of scars there. Care to share some of it?"

James lifted his shoulders and said. "For the most part I've shot, stabbed, burned, electrocuted, and sapped with lazers and plasma. What about you?" Zaeed placed his two of fingers on his scar and said. "I was betrayed by a old friend and shot me in the head." James replied to him. "If it makes you any better, I was once drugged and got lobotomized."

Zaeed laughed and said. "I appreciate you trying to make an old man like me happy but..." Zaeed stared James in the eye and said. "You're bloody serious are you?" James nodded. "Well, in that case you look bloody good. Considering the circumstances."

Kelly came out of the room and said. "Thane gave the okay. I also told him about you, Moira and the toaster so he wouldn't be too surprised." James thanked Kelly, took the spare clothing from her and went in the control room. There he saw Thane sitting quietly in his chair as if he was meditating. For James he was a curious sight. He looked like a lizard man but with more human-like traits. James leaned to him said. "Hello?" he was silent for a moment, then he spoke. "I apologize for that. I was just finishing my meditations. Kelly told me about you and your friend. Interesting situation." James raised his hand, gesturing a hand shake. "Name's James." Thane grabbed his hand and shaked it. "Thane Krios." Thane looked at James and said. "I hope this won't offend you, but life in this Wasteland must be harsh, judging from your scars." James replied. "You're not too far off the mark, but most of these scars came from helping people in need." As James put on his clothes, he and Thane talked to each other numerous things like Thane's homeworld Rakhana, James and Moira's world Capital Wasteland, Thane's Kepral Syndrome, and Wasteland's Ghouls and Super Mutants.

Some time later, Moira came out wearing Cerberus crew outfit. "Does my butt look big?" asked Moira to Kelly while rubbing her rear. "No, of course not." replied Kelly. Then James came out and Kelly blushed and Moira began to laughed when they saw James. He too was also wearing Cerberus crew outfit, and while the pants and boots fit well, the shirt seemed a little too small for him. His muscles bulged clearly through the shirt and looked like it was going to tear apart. "I'm so sorry super research assistant!" said Moira with tears in her eyes. "But that's the funniest thing I've ever seen." James fidgeted with the shirt and asked Kelly if it was the only one she could find. Kelly gathered herself and said. "Well, that's the biggest we got. It's the same size our crew member Jacob uses and he's pretty well built too. I can look for something else if you want?" James squirmed a bit and said. "I would really appreciate it." then suddenly Moira's stomach began to growl and she rubbed the back her head in embarrassment. "Well, luckily the mess hall is just at the other side of this deck." said Kelly. "Mess Sergeant Gardner handles the food and don't believe what the crew says about his cooking." she then said to James. "Meanwhile, I'll look for something that fits you better." then made her way to the elevator. Moira and James went to the mess hall where a few of the crew members were dining. "Why, hello there." greeted Gardner. "I assume you're here for some grub?"

They both nodded and Gardner gave them food and he said. "Now I hope you don't mind me asking, but what sort of food do you eat in the Wasteland?" James said to him. "It looks like news travel fast around here." Gardner replied. "EDI, our ships AI, has let the crew know about you two and the dimensional mishap that came from your lady friend's toaster." Moira eyes glistened and said enthusiastically. " This ship has a AI?" Gardner replied. "Indeed it has. I'm sure she'll introduce herself eventually, but back to my question. What do you eat in the Wasteland?"

"Let's just say that as long it isn't 200 years old or it's made of human, anything goes." said James. He and Moira took their trays, went to the nearest table, and sat down and started to eat.

Meanwhile down at the hangar, Shepard was testing James' Terrible shotgun at the Normandy's makeshift shooting range where Tali also happened to be there. Shepard was firing the shotgun and the way it rose up suggested that the recoil was pretty big. Tali was amazed how loud the shotgun was and a bit frightened of the smoke and fire that came out it. She almost thought that it was going to explode any minute. When Shepard finished shooting with it, she slinged it over her shoulder and took a deep breath. "There's nothing like the smell of gunpowder." Tali crouched down, picking up of the shells and said. "And apparently very messy." Shepard chuckled and said. "Tali, this is how human weapons were before discovering mass effect fields."

Shepard then took a closer look of the shotgun. "12-round magazine, semi-automatic and a powerful recoil. I bet that James has leveled a good amount of targets with this baby."

"Then I think we need to make sure we don't get on his bad side, huh Shepard?" joked Tali and helped Shepard picking up the empty shells. Shepard and Tali made their way to the elevator and Joker suddenly spoke through the ship's loudspeakers. "Shepard, you might wanna get to the crew quarters 'cause Grunt is having a pretty aggressive 'chat' with our friend there." Shepard and Tali went to to the crew quarters and saw James fighting Grunt and Moira hiding under the table. "You got a lot of nerve to attack me." said James.

"And you got a lot of nerve to show your face here." Grunt charged at James but he stopped Grunt on his tracks. "You're like a wild animal." said James and then whispered to him. "Do you know what we do to wild animals in the Wasteland?" Shepard decided to break it up by using her Pull ability on them. "Okay, this is new." said James in surprise as he floated towards Shepard while upside down. When it ended, James landed on his head and Shepard asked what was going on. James got up and said. "I was just eating, minding my own business, until your comrade bursted through the med bay and attacked me." Shepard asked the crew around the mess hall and they confirmed it. She then went to Grunt asked him. "Why did you attack him?"

Grunt replied. "Battlemaster, we are the most dangerous warriors in the galaxy and I was easily beaten by this outsider. It is unacceptable."

Shepard sighed and shaked her head. "That still doesn't give you the permission to attack people on my ship."

"Battlemaster..."

"And also, what are the odds he would beat you again?"

"I was caught off guard."

"Is that an excuse?"

James then stepped forward and said. "You might want to consider your options, Grunt. I can kick your ass if I want to but I won't do it to make you feel better of yourself."

Grunt went silent and the rest were amazed how boldly and James spoke against him as Shepard seemed to be only the one who could do that.

"Fine. I'll stand down. For now." said Grunt and left the mess hall.

"Glad that's settled." said Shepard and Moira suddenly popped in front of her. "Wait! That thing you just did. Was that telekinesis? Or some sort of a small scale gravitational device you used?" Shepard replied. "A bit of both actually. Some people are capable creating what we call mass effect fields that can control gravity to some degree. These people are called biotics. They have these devices called bio amps that boosts those powers. There's a library at the Starboard Observation where you can learn more." Shepard then noticed the shirt James was wearing. "Isn't that a little tight?" James replied. "Yes, but Ms. Chambers said she'd be looking for something that fits better."

James then saw Tali who was looking at him. "May I help you?" asked James. "Huh? Oh, I'm sorry." said Tali. "I'm just curious about the device you have on your wrist." James raised his left arm and said. "This? This is called Pip-Boy 3000. It's a multi-functional device that monitors my health. it can also make a very accurate map of places where I happen to go and it has built in Geiger counter. Actually, that reminds me." James looked into his Pip-Boy and said. "Yeah that's right, I forgot to take RadAway. My rad level is at 180." Tali was shocked. "Isn't that a very dangerous amount?" James replied casually. "As long as it doesn't reach 200 I'm fine. Besides, it's not something RadAway can fix." Kelly appeared carrying some clothing with her. "I think I found something that should fit you nicely." Kelly showed him the clothing she had with her. A black tank top and a orange vest. James was eager to put those so he flexed his muscle, causing the shirt to tear apart. "Keelah!" said Tali in surprise and Shepard certainly didn't complain. Kelly gave him the clothes and James immediately put them on. "Fits perfectly." said James after putting the clothes on.

"Moira?" said Kelly. "Professor Mordin asked me bring you to his lab. He's been awfully curious of your device." Moira got excited for having a chance to work with an alien and asked Kelly to lead the way. "Oh, I almost forgot." said Kelly and pulled out a pair of sunglasses from her pocket and gave it to James. "I believe these are yours?" James took the glasses, flicked them open and put them on. "Thank you, Ms Chambers." Kelly replied. "Please. Call me Kelly." Kelly then went with Moira to Mordin's lab and Shepard went to check on Grunt.

Shepard thought to go and check on Grunt and James decided go to the library Shepard mentioned. There he saw Samara meditating on the floor with a biotic field surrounding her. "Okay, this interesting." said James to himself and carefully walked next to her. "I was beginning to wonder when you would appear." James slightly jumped when Samara spoke to him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you." continued Samara casually. "I'm Samara. And You?"

"James. Most people call me The Lone Wanderer, but some like to call me Messiah."

"Really?" said Samara curiously.

"But please, just call me James. I hate that title."

James sat down and said. "This is my second time I've been in space when I think about it." Samara turned her head towards James. "How was your first one?" James scratched side of his head and said. "Let's just say my first time wasn't very... guest friendly, to say the least." Samara nodded and continued her meditations. James wanted to ask her what she was but didn't want to disturb her meditations and he wasn't in no hurry. He saw a bookshelf on his right and went through the book. He picked up a book that detailed different species that exists, sat down and began to read it. After turning few pages, James turned on the pip-boy's radio only to get static and some news announcements. "Is something wrong?" asked Samara. James turned off the radio and replied. "Sorry about that. I usually listen to music when I'm doing something like reading a book or shooting a raider in the face."

EDI suddenly appeared from a terminal and said. "I believe that can be arranged." James looked EDI in surprise and said. "You must the AI I've heard about."

"That is correct." replied EDI. "Just say what you wish to hear and I will play it." James asked her. "Is there a particular reason why you offer such a thing?"

EDI replied. "While ago, through some certain circumstances, I have gained full access to this ship and I've been enjoying this new found freedom. Also, I'm curious what sort of music you humans have and what better way to hear it than listen what others do." Jame shrugged and asked Bill Crosby's Way Back Home. As the music played, Samara smiled and said. "Quite soothing."

"I guess so..." said James quietly.

Meanwhile, Shepard was checking Grunt, making sure he doesn't go on a rampage. As she entered the room, Grunt was unusually calm. "Battlemaster." he said. "I know why you're here, so don't worry about me going berserk. Especially around this James." Shepard asked. "What do you mean?" Grunt explained. "When I first met him, I underestimated him. A rookie's mistake. He's like a predator. His eyes are filled with death and his breath reeks with blood, but he hides them well."

"Are saying he's going to be a problem?" asked Shepard.

"If he really wanted to cause trouble, he would have done it." said Grunt. "But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on him."

"I'll keep it mind. Other than that, I'm glad to hear there won't a problem. I want you to be on your best against the Reapers." said Shepard and exited from the room.

At Mordin's, he was examining Moira's time toaster. "Fascinating. It is a mix old and advanced technology put in crude, but effective, manner." Mordin then looked at Moira and said. "And you say this is powered by a crystal that is supposed to go through time?" Moira replied. "Yeah, a weird man in a blue suit gave it to me. He said that it could sent me and super research assistant through time and I thought we could go 200 years to the past to stop the bombs from falling. As you can see it didn't quite work out."

"A noble cause. Absolutely breathtaking. I applaud you, Moira." said Mordin who was very impressed of Moira's motivations. "Know that I will do everything in my power to assist in your quest. Now if you don't mind me asking, but who is this 'super research assistant'?" Moira replied. "Oh, that's James. He helped me make my Wasteland Survival Guide and it has been an success." Moira went through her pockets and pulled out a copy. "Here's one for you to read when you have the time." Mordin thought for a minute how she managed to hide such large book, only to decide that it might better to not know. Mordin placed the book on his table began to dismantle the toaster with Moira. When they were done, Mordin examined the crystal. "Very interesting. Crystal made of unknown material. Must investigate further." Mordin placed it in a microscope and examined it further. Moira went next to him and said. "I'll be looking forward working with you Mr. alien."

Mordin turned to Moira and said. "And I'll be looking forward working with you as well." They began working together, hoping to achieve greatness. At least something that works like it should.

_Plus note: My Fallout 3 character's strength is 10 and endurance 8, so I think that translates a well built person. And not to mention how much punishment the Wanderer is taking through out the game._


	3. Unforeseen Consequences

Chapter 3 : Unforeseen Consequences

Shepard was sleeping in her cabin and she was going through a nightmare. She was seeing her last moments as she flew out of the exploding Normandy and her suit failing, making her lose air rapidly. Slowly moving towards the unknown planet's atmosphere. Then the time suddenly slowed down, stopping just as she was desperately writhing through space, an odd voice spoke to

_"Commander Sheeepaaard."_

A faded man's face appeared in the background with pale green eyes that seemed to glow. He spoke in a slow, raspy, commanding manner. Making pauses and placed unusual stress on syllables and stretching consonants.

"I apologize for... appearing unannounced like this." He inhaled a bit then continued. "But there is something I must ask you. What is the last thing you actually remember of your... family? Were they really killed by slavers? Did the Skyllian Blitz truly occur? Do you... know who, or what, you really are? What of your choices? Every enemy you've killed, every bullet you ever fired from your gun. Even the very words you have spoken. Were those... performed from your own consciousness? Or from an outside source?"

Then the man appeared in the middle of the background. He was wearing a blue business suit and was carrying a briefcase. He straightened his tie and spoke again.

"No need to... worry yourself to answer just yet. Although, I do wish I could tell you more but I am bound by certain... restrictions. Until we meet again."

The man formed a slightly amused expression on his face and said. "And a word of advice. Prepare for unforeseen consequences."

Shepard woke up and quickly rose from her bed. She panted heavily and felt her skin covered in cold sweat. Shepard knew she saw a dream and that something unusual happened in it, but she couldn't remember what. Only the words "Unforeseen Consequences" ringed in her head. She decided to take a shower to wash away the sweat off her body. When she was done, she dried herself with a towel and put on her Cerberus Captain uniform.

"Man, I really need a new set of clothing." she said to herself with an annoyed tone. "These Cerberus uniforms are starting to get out of style. Especially when I told the Illusive Man to piss off."

Shepard then decided head to the command deck to have a chat with Joker. She always liked hearing his opinion on things. Shepard saw Joker pressing buttons at his monitor and occasionally speaking to EDI. Shepard approached Joker and greeted him. "Good morning, Joker."

Joker turned his chair around and greeted back. "Morning Commander. Is there something you want?"

"I'd like to hear your opinion of our guests here on the ship, if you have the time of course," replied Shepard.

Joker was being thoughtful for a bit. "Opinion of our guests huh?" He was unusually silent for a while and then said. "I don't trust that woman. What was her name? Moira Brown?"

"Why?" Asked Shepard curiously.

Joker explained. "Well, I don't like how she smiles all the time. She's like one of those people who's all like: Hey, how're you doing? Nice to see you. Then the next thing you know, she's sticking a freaking knife to your neck while smiling all creepy like."

"You watch too many movies, Joker," laughed Shepard.

"Maybe you don't watch enough, Commander," said Joker sarcastically.

Shepard then asked about James and Joker replied. "Remember what I said about Jacob the first time? Well, I'd like to take it back. James is way too nice a guy for all the ways he knows how to kill people. Just a few hours ago I was at the mess hall and I saw him talking to Jack. He was telling her twelve ways to kill people with a fork. A fork. And she seemed to take it to heart too."

"Good to know he's making friends," joked Shepard.

"Great. My own superior officer is now putting jokes to me. Now my life's complete," said Joker sarcastically.

Joker turned his chair around and went back to work while Shepard decided talk to Kelly to see if there's anything going on. As Shepard approached Kelly, she noticed that Kelly was watching a vid from her terminal. Shepard peeked over Kelly's shoulder and noticed it was footage of James taking a shower.

Shepard then spoke to Kelly in serious tone. "What you are watching, Kelly?"

Kelly jumped in surprise and hastily put away the footage. She turned around nervously responding. "Hi Commander! W-what can I do for you today? No new messages? Yes! No new messages Commander. A-and the crew's doing fine."

Shepard crossed her arms and stared at Kelly who, in turn, was putting on a forced smile and sweat drops were sliding down her forehead.

After a long stare down, Kelly finally gave in. "Am I in trouble?"

"Depends on you," responded Shepard.

Kelly began to rub her hands nervously and said hesitantly. "I got it from Kasumi."

Shepard kept staring at Kelly while she continued. "Apparently she sneaked into the men's shower while being invisible and recorded James while he was cleaning himself."

"Anything else I should know?" Asked Shepard sternly.

Kelly gave her an update on the crew. "James and Thane are sparring together at the hangar deck. Moira is at Mordin's lab going through that toaster of hers."

Shepard nodded. "I'll be expecting you to delete that footage the next time we talk."

"But I paid 500 credits for it!" Said Kelly in disagreement then covered her mouth. She then reluctantly said. "I mean, understood Commander."

"As you were Kelly," said Shepard and went to the elevator. Shepard wondered on how a wastelander fought so she made her way to the hangar deck to watch Thane and James spar. She arrived and noticed Garrus, Jack, Grunt and Kasumi were there as well.

Garrus saw Shepard. "Shepard. Did you come to watch these two spar, or what?"

Shepard smiled and patted Garrus' back. "I'm just here to make sure no one gets hurt."

Garrus then added. "Then you'll want to know this. We all agreed that this will be full-contact, so don't be surprised if it gets rough. And don't worry, I'll be the referee just in case."

Shepard took her place and watched with the others. James took a boxing stance while Thane took his stance that resembled a some form of martial art. James threw the first punch and Thane blocked it easily. James threw a second one but this time Thane pushed it to the side, quickly spinned behind James and used his elbow to strike James' back. James stumbled a bit but quickly gained his stance. He gestured Thane to attack him and he humored him. At first it seemed Thane was going to strike with his fist, but it was a feint. Thane turned, attempting to perform a spin kick, but James managed to grab Thane's leg, put his hand on his hip, and threw Thane behind him.

Thane was able to land safely by doing a few flips and landed on his feet. Thane turned around and noticed that James was charging towards him. James threw few punches at Thane who easily blocked them. Thane managed to land a hit to James that caused his sunglasses fly off his head. James quickly grabbed the glasses in mid-air, swiftly blocked Thane's attacks with one hand and put the back of his fist in front of Thane's face.

"Your form lacks finesse and discipline. But your strikes shout with experience," said Thane who was very impressed.

James placed his glasses back on and complimented Thane. "You're not bad yourself."

Garrus walked out and said loudly. "OK, that's a tie!"

Jack cursed and gave Kasumi a few credits who was smirking.

As James and Thane walked back to Shepard and the others, Jack asked James. "What's up with those shades you carry anyway? You seem to like them quite a lot."

"Try them yourself," replied James while giving his sunglasses to Jack.

Jack took the glasses and put them on. After having them on for a while, Jack then said. "Strange. I can't put my finger on it but there's something weird with these shades."

"Do you see dead people?" Joked Kasumi.

"No, but it would be cool in its own way," replied Jack with slightly amused tone. "There's some positive vibe I get with these shades. It's subtle, but it's there when you stop and feel it."

"Lucky?" James offered.

Jack snapped her fingers. "Yeah, that's it! I feel lucky when I'm wearing these."

Jack took the glasses off and gave them back to James. "I call them Lucky Shades." James told her as he put them back on.

"Those were pretty nice moves you pulled off over there," complimented Shepard.

"Thank you, Commander," replied James. "The Wasteland can be unforgiving to the unprepared and careless."

"Just like Tuchanka," said Grunt with small sympathy.

James then added. "Where's Moira by the way? I need to find her."

"She's at Mordin's lab at deck two." Shepard told him. "Why do you ask?"

James replied. "While Moira is fairly smart, she has a good share of dumb ideas. I especially don't want her to do anything stupid with that toaster of her's."

Suddenly the elevator door opened, revealing Moira carrying the toaster. Moira then began to walk slowly to the others.

"Looks like Moira has something to show you, James," said Shepard.

James observed Moira and noticed that something was wrong. James knows that Moira would have normally been loudly calling him and then make a mad dash towards him. As Moira got closer, James also noticed that she had very blank expression on her face which was not like her.

"Something is not right here," said James with great worry and approached Moira. When he got close enough, he saw that Moira's eyes were glazed, like she was in a trance. Moira stopped in front of James and spoke to him in monotone voice.

"Prepare for unforeseen consequences..."

She did not know why but Shepard began to have strange feeling of terror that she's never experienced before. Her legs gave up and Garrus managed to grab her as rest of the crew worried about Shepard's well being.

"Shepard, you okay?" Said Garrus with concern.

"I'm fine, Garrus," assured Shepard.

James grabbed Moira and shouted. "Moira, what's wrong with you?! Snap out of it!"

Moira dropped the toaster to the floor, blinked once, her eyes returning back normal. She looked around and said. "How did I get here?"

When the toaster hit the floor and it began to hum, releasing orange colored sparks. James told the others to get as far away as possible from it. The sparks began to wrap around James and Moira then slowly moving across the floor towards Shepard and her crew. Kasumi and Jack were the first to get caught by the sparks and they started to grunt in pain.

Thane was the next to get caught and Grunt attempted to help him only to get himself trapped in it. Garrus tried to get Shepard to safety but couldn't get away because the sparks blocked the way to the elevator. The sparks finally reached them and began to wrap around them. As the sparks covered their bodies, Garrus and Shepard felt that as if their bodies were being torn apart.

Finally the toaster let off a bright flash and everything went dark. Shepard woke up and found herself inside a store. She got up and began walk around the place while calling for her crew. Shepard saw a sign that said "Seon's Food & Stuff" at least she now knew she was in a store.

As she passed one of the aisles, Shepard noticed a food can rolled past her from behind. She turn around and was surprised to see a man with a shopping cart with knifes and cleavers strapped to it and a pitchfork on the front. Shepard also noticed that there was a woman in the cart who was unconscious.

The man had a very angry expression on his face and a crazy look in his eyes. He straightened his tie and shouted at the top of his lungs. "THIS IS MY STOOOOOOOORE!"

The man started to slowly push the cart towards Shepard while saying. "You... came to vandalize... my store! Huh?!"

Shepard spoke to him while slowly moving away from him. "Look buddy, I'm not..."

"NOT ON MY WAAAAATCH!" Interrupted the man.

Shepard attempted to reason with him. "Okay, calm down and take deep breath. No one needs to get hurt here."

"HURT?!" shouted the man and grabbed the woman's head, violently shaking it. "That's just what this bitch said when she came to vandalize my store!"

He then let go of her and then continued. "I don't take kindly to vandalism! I WON'T ALLOW IT!"

"You've made that pretty crystal clear," said Shepard who was starting to have a bad feeling about the whole thing.

The man said with a threatening tone. "Listen to me and listen good, partner." He then shouted loudly. "I DON'T ALLOW VANDALISM IN MY STOOOOOOOOOOREEEEE!"

He charged with his cart and Shepard avoided it by quickly climbing on top of one the store shelves.

"Hah! You missed!" Said Shepard victoriously to the man. Suddenly he pulled out a shotgun and began fire at Shepard. She dodged few shots until dropping down to the floor.

"Okay, he's not completely helpless." Said Shepard to herself while getting back up on her feet. The man came out the corner and was ready to attack again. Shepard saw a green bar above his head and with the word "Steven" on it. While Shepard would have wanted use her biotics against him but she didn't want to risk hurting the woman that was in the cart.

Steven charged towards Shepard and Shepard jumped on top the shelves again. This time she jumped to other shelves and managed to find a seafood stall. Shepard didn't know why, but she instinctively grabbed one of the cardboard boxes and smashed it open.

A sledgehammer came out the box and Shepard took it. "Yeah, this will work nicely."

Steven appeared again and charged at Shepard full speed. Shepard jumped to the side and swung the sledgehammer to Steven's head. Much to Shepard's surprise, Steven mostly flinched and didn't die from it, but did saw that the green bar went down a little. That's when Shepard decided to risk it and used her pull power on him. Steven began to float in the air and Shepard swung with all her might at him, sending him flying across the store.

His green bar went completely down, got up and fell on one of the registers. He then started to talk.

"My store... My... store..." He caressed the register and continued with sorrowful voice.

"Who will run my store when I'm gone? My store... My food... My sales... My... customers..." He was silent for a bit then finally said. "Have a nice day..." and collapsed to the floor.

"At least he was dedicated to his job." Said Shepard with respect and approached his body.

As Shepard was going to close his eyes, Steven's head jumped up and shouted. "CLEAN UP! REGISTER 6!" Then slumped back on the floor.

Shepard was startled by the action and felt her heart skip a beat as she was used to her enemies often staying dead. She then noticed the woman that was in the cart was gone and was nowhere in sight. Shepard looked at the sledgehammer and realized that the box where it came from was small so it couldn't have fit in completely inside it. And why is there a sledgehammer in a store in the first place? Shepard decided to ignore those details for now and wanted to focus on getting her bearings. She made her out of the store while avoiding Steven's body.

"Oh my god." Said Shepard not quite believing what she was seeing with her own eyes. A massive horde of zombies. Shepard was in complete disbelief. She has faced husks and Collectors but had never seen an actual zombie just only in the movies. She observed her surroundings and saw large sign that said "Willamette Mall."

"Holy shit. Where am I?"


End file.
